A SCOTS woman has shared the mortifying tale that saw her caught short in her boyfriend’s car with a bout of “mighty diarrhoea” – that left his car seat covers ruined.
The anonymous woman wrote into Scots podcast Girls Overheard yesterday explaining that she was waiting in her boyfriend’s car whilst he was at a job when she began to experience stomach pains.
With no toilets nearby and in a moment of panic, the woman claims she grabbed a plastic bag to relieve herself, only to discover that it was a severe case of “the skits”.
The woman’s admission was read out by podcast host Eilidh Wells, whose co-hosts Ashleigh Reid and Lauren Kerr listen on in shock as the story unravels.
Eilidh reads: “I’d been seeing this guy for a few months when one day, he asked me if I would with him to price up a job, then we’d go for food afterwards.”
“My boyfriend told me I could just wait in his car. After about 20 minutes, I started getting stomach pains.”
Co-hosts Ashleigh and Lauren can seemingly already tell where the story is going as Eilidh continues: “After an hour, the pains were crippling. I looked around and there was nowhere I could go.
“So, I looked around the car and there was an empty carrier bag.”
“I was so desperate at this point. I knew I had to s**t in the bag. I realised it wasn’t a poo.”
Eilidh hesitates before continuing to read: “It was a mighty diarrhoea.”
She looks to her co-hosts as she says: “As soon as those floodgates opened, my body pushed without permission and out shot the most stinking, vile and hugest amount (sic) of skits I’ve ever seen.”
Stunned Ashleigh and Lauren burst into laughter before gasping in horror as Eilidh reveals: “Well, of course, it didn’t all go in the bag.
“It was all over the passenger seat. It was all over my jeans, knickers, a**e and thighs. Then I had about a minute to do something with the mess.
“Thankfully, he had seat covers on, so I whipped it off, rolled it up and stashed it in the carrier bag that contained some of my skits.”
The camera hilariously cuts over to Lauren, whose jaw is agape in shock as Eilidh reads: “I did it just in time for him to jump in.
“As soon as he did, his face gave away that he knew something was wrong.”
The women laugh as Eilidh says: “He looked at me and said, ‘What the f**k is that smell? Where has my seat cover gone?’
“I burst into tears and told him he’d left me for too long and I’d become really sick.”
The women laugh as Ashleigh jokes: “Like a dog. You left me for too long.”
Lauren jests: “She’s a pet.”
Through laughter, Eilidh reads: “I was absolutely dying from shame and embarrassment and told him to take me home and I cried all the way home from the shame.”
However, the unfortunate woman’s tale had an incredible happy ending as Eilidh reveals: “He was lovely about it, though, and still takes the p**s out of me about it eight years later.
“It didn’t put him off. He’s now my husband.”
The women took to social media yesterday to share the hilarious story, joking in the caption: “What would you do in this s**tuation?”
The post received over 2,250 likes and dozens of comments from listeners left in stitches by the anonymous woman’s grim experience.
One person wrote: “This story has unlocked a new fear. I’ll never not ask him to leave me the keys when I’m left in a car now.”
Another said: “He’s a keeper.”
A third commented: “Full blown hope this was a skit episode. Why use the word ‘skits?’”
A fourth added: “I nearly never stayed until the end of the video, from second-hand embarrassment but glad she got her happy ever after.”